I can be…intense. I’m told I’m “forthright.” I’m honest.
Maybe I’m just too old for games and nonsense. I hate guessing, so I try not to leave others guessing. I’ve had too many people disappear from my life for no apparent reason. I don’t ever want to be one of those people for someone else. If I go, you’ll know why. If I stay, you’ll know why. If I love you, you’ll never wonder whether it’s true or not. Not like I have so often wondered.
Sometimes my honesty scares people…even makes their “head spin.” I have no way of knowing if that’s good or bad, and that not knowing scares the crap out of me.
Just because I try to be honest and brave (so I don’t end up with regrets) doesn’t mean I don’t get terrified, as well. Sometimes I back out. Often, after it’s too late, I fear that I’ve done the wrong thing, or haven’t done what would have been the right thing. And then I’m afraid.
I sometimes wonder if I’m getting in my own way. If I should be less honest. If I should play the games. Would I be less intimidating? More lovable?
If I wasn’t who I am, would someone be brave enough to love me?