There are so many questions in my life right now, and that is just one of them…but it’s an important one!
I don’t hate him personally, or professionally…or really even at all. The problem is that I can’t listen to his song, “I’m Yours” without dissolving into tears, no matter where I am, or what I’m doing. I do my best to hide them. Usually I can. Thank God it’s a short song!
Fortunately, it’s not a song I hear often anymore; sometimes I can just change the channel, but not always. I can clearly recall the last time I heard it, and how it still affected me after so many years. It brings tears to my eyes every single time.
Last time it happened was Oct 2021, standing in the Skechers store in Sherman, TX. I found myself fighting back the tears and hoping Mom wouldn’t ask me what was wrong.
Here’s why it affects me so: Back when the song was popular (2008), I gifted the mp3 to a man I loved—had loved since I was a teenager—as my way to give him my heart; to let him know that my heart belonged to him.
I was his. I smiled every time I heard the song.
Then things inexplicably fell apart. I don’t know what happened. I may never know, even though he and I are back in touch again. Believe me, I’ve asked. He says he doesn’t have an answer, and I accept that.
Everything else that’s happened to him, I accept without question, because I’ve always loved him for who he is, whoever that may be. Not for prestige, or money, or anything else. Just mdb.
My life is a little surreal now, because I live in his hometown. I’ve always associated this town with him, and now I’m here and he isn’t, yet I’m constantly reminded of him. It’s disconcerting, although it’s not as bad now that we are communicating and have spent some time together.
My feelings for him haven’t changed. I believe that I can still love him unconditionally. I’m just not sure if I can give him my heart without hesitating, because I don’t know whether he will accept it—or keep it—this time.
Above all, he is my friend; he needs me as a friend; and I want him to be happy. If he’s happier without loving me, I will survive. Again. As always.
But if we can find our way to love each other enough to be together once more (at last), then maybe “I’m Yours” can make us both smile again.