Running into burning buildings

I wanted so much to call you last night, but it was comforting to hear your voice today.

You continue to amaze me. You really are “playing for keeps” here, aren’t you? Not just the things you’ve done, like buying me lunch, or plane or concert tickets; but the things you are saying to me—things that I know in my heart you truly mean.

I know that if I need anything at all, all I have to do is ask, and you will find a way to give it. I want to be very careful not to abuse that, so it doesn’t feel that I’m taking advantage of you. But I also want to learn to be open and brave enough with you to ask when I do need, so you can give. I know you want what’s best for me, and for us; I’ve just never had that before. I’ve never had anyone give me so much love, and ask for so little in return. I’ve never had anyone put me, or us, ahead of himself.

I was thinking again today about what I wrote the other night, about being so young and stupid the first time that I thought love would always feel the same as it did with you. That every man would love me like you did. That every man would make me feel the way you did. That every man who “loved” me would want what’s best for me and want me to be happy. And by the time I was old enough and smart enough to figure that out, you were busy trying to love, and feel with, and take care of someone else. And I found out that men like you are very rare indeed.

I keep saying it, and I probably always will: I can’t believe you came back for me.

It feels like we were both trapped in a burning building, and you got out, while I struggled, feeling as if I’d never make it out alive. You were free; you were safe, and could have gone on with your life. But you’ve run back into that horrible fire to get me. You knew full well that one or both of us might get hurt. And yet, you didn’t hesitate. You came right back in, to be here with me, and help me in my struggle to be free and safe, too. You are that hand that is always there in the dark, if I simply reach out and take it.

You came back to get me. And I love you.

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