Being married in name only really sucks. Simply because I haven’t done all the proper legal paperwork, I’m still “married.” Forget the fact that he abandoned my heart and soul years ago.
I haven’t been in the same house with him for almost 5 months. I haven’t slept in the same bed with him since June 23, 2007. I haven’t felt loved by him for more than 3 years. And yet, I still have to wear that label—married—until I come up with the money to dissolve this nonexistent marriage legally.
I don’t live with him, or sleep with him, or love him, but the mere fact that I did allows him to continue to keep me from being free to pursue anyone who might make me happy. So tonight, I will (eventually) sleep alone. Again.