After many long years of being lost, I am finally beginning to be myself again. It’s slow, but I feel it happening a little more each day. I am starting to have dreams, and wishes, and emotions that I thought were long gone. I am rediscovering lost friends; relearning what it is to open myself and to trust; letting myself care about others openly, without worrying so much about being hurt. I’m learning to take risks, but also to walk away if I have to.
I am learning that the only people I want to keep in my life are the ones who allow me to be myself; who will let me care as much as I want to—not as they stipulate. I am only keeping the people who want honest affection and friendship from me, and are willing to give it in return. I have no use for one-way relationships. People who not only will let me know their real selves, but will care enough to get to know mine. People who need me to listen, but will let it be MY turn to talk sometimes, even if it’s about me—my day, my past, my dreams, my fears.
I am ready to find someone who loves me—the REAL me—and is ready to accept me 100% as myself. I need someone who is willing to stick out the bad so they can enjoy the good. I could promise someone that I will abide by his rules, but the truth is that if he will let me do what my heart says, he will receive much more than he ever imagined. I have so much to give, but men try to limit me. They want me to give only as much as they think they want or deserve, and I feel stifled. The last time nearly killed my heart and my soul.
Somewhere is the man who will gladly accept all the love and affection I have to give, and not worry whether it’s “too much.” The right man for me will learn that love does not have to limit, strangle, or stifle the other. There is room for trust and freedom that allows each to remain an individual but makes them stronger as a couple. You don’t have to be with someone every minute to have an unbreakable bond. A real connection isn’t affected by separation. I know that beyond any doubt.
What I DON’T know, is where he is right now.