I’m 47 years old today. Not a “big” one, but this one’s been tougher than I thought it would be. Birthdays usually don’t bother me. Not being in a relationship usually doesn’t bother me. Not having a job usually doesn’t bother me (this much). But today, all of them have combined in a kind of “perfect storm” to have me feeling pretty blue.
Normally, I try to focus on all I have, but today it’s hard not to think about what I don’t have. I don’t have a special person to share my life; no flowers, or kisses, or hugs. I don’t have a job or coworkers to make me feel useful, productive, accomplished, and appreciated. I don’t even have my dog, who was my most enthusiastic and faithful admirer. I admit it—I miss my dog much more than my ex-husband!
There will be no presents, probably no cards, no cake, no birthday dinner, unless I buy it with my unemployment payment… I can’t even watch my soap opera today, because the tv is full of weather reports! At least facebook reminds my online friends… I have received many good wishes from them.
Last year was my first birthday alone, but I still had many other things in my life to make me feel whole. Now, I feel like there’s a big part of me missing and I can’t do anything about it.