That was the name I chose for my blog login and online identity at WordPress. It’s a software term for a new, improved iteration of an existing product. It symbolized that I was determined to be someone other than who I’d been. Not that I wanted to be someone besides myself… on the contrary, I think I wanted to be more myself than I had been.
It seems that I’d lost so much of myself, and I don’t really remember when or how. I only know I was determined to become more true to myself; to be who I really wanted to be. I wanted to do what I love, and be with people I love. It was time for me to stop wasting my time—stop wasting my LIFE—and get rid of those who were only pretending to love me and who didn’t appreciate me.
I left some of them behind, and others left me. All in all, it has worked out for the best.
I now have a new apartment that I really like in a town I like. It’s still Texas, but at least it doesn’t feel so much like Dallas. I have a new job that I hope will work out, because I really enjoy it. It’s the kind of work I love and it’s a constant challenge. It requires (allows) me to learn and do and create new things every day. It’s a small software company (does anyone see that irony?) where I feel needed and appreciated—I get to work directly with the company president—and that’s rare in most jobs these days.
I’m even getting a new(ish) car. Okay, so my parents technically bought it. Dad got a settlement from a lawsuit and gave a sum to each of us kids. I needed to use mine toward a newer car, and instead of giving it to me and making ME do the work, I just told him what I’d like to have and turned him loose. In less than two weeks (one week of shopping and one week of waiting for it to get to me) I had a new-to-me car in good shape, low miles, and paid free and clear. The best part is that my ex had no part in it. He didn’t help me look, didn’t help negotiate, didn’t pay a dime on it, doesn’t even have to help me bring it home, and his name will never be on the title.
So, new place, new job, new-to-me car, new attitude… I finally really DO feel like stacyv2!
The feeling, of doing something for YOURSELF as a free women that the ex had no part in, is FANTABULOUS!!!!