Desperation is no stranger at our place. I am at my wits’ end. There is no more helpless feeling than the one a mother gets when her child is in deep trouble, and there is nothing she can do to help. All I can do is love him, and no matter how much I do, it never seems like nearly enough. I feel as if I’ve dropped the ball somewhere; as if there is something I was supposed to give him that I didn’t.

I hate going through this alone, but there is no one else here. I feel like I’m falling apart. I’m tired of being positive, and strong. There is no one here to hold me up when it feels like I can’t stand, or move, or breathe; when it’s almost too painful for my heart to keep beating.

My ex has deserted his son, leaving me to deal with whatever comes all on my own, just like he has always done. He abandons anything that isn’t easy enough for him, or that you can’t fix with money. If I confront him, his answer is always “but I bought him this” or “I fixed that for him.” His only excuse is that his son hasn’t always treated him well. Well, tough $#@*! If I walked out every time I wasn’t treated well, my ex would have been single 10 years ago.

For God’s sake, he’s your child!

He doesn’t believe that your child always comes first—ahead of you, ahead of others, ahead of everything else. Maybe it’s a “Mom” thing, but I don’t know how anyone with a heart can do that to his own child. I can’t.

So here I am—trying to hold us both together, and failing miserably.