Unconditional love

It’s easy to talk about, and extremely difficult to find. Is there anyone that you love so much that nothing they could ever do would change that?

Usually, parents can say they have unconditional love for their children. And maybe my best friend, who never judges me for anything I do or say, and always loves me no matter what. Ideally, married partners would have unconditional love for each other, although these days, that’s all too often not the case.

I discovered about 3 years before I left my marriage that my husband’s love for me was not unconditional. As long as I was willing to do what he wanted, everything was great. If I was willing to go above and beyond, it was unbelievable how well I was treated. I was hugged, and kissed, and in general treated as if I was the love of his life.

When what he was asking became too much for me, and I asked to slow down, he pushed for more instead. When it reached the point that I became too uncomfortable with his requests, I had to stop it altogether. That was the point when all the “love” stopped. Suddenly, I no longer existed. There were no more hugs, or kisses, or love notes left around the house. I was barely noticed. I realized that his love was completely conditional, and I would have to spend the rest of my marriage “earning” his love.

I tried for as long as I could, but I became emotionally exhausted from constantly failing to do enough to “deserve” to be loved. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I left.

The only one I can say for sure loves me unconditionally is my dog, Baik. He adores me, as no one ever has. I don’t know when or if I will ever find a man who will adore me as much, or love me as unconditionally. Nor do I know exactly how to tell when he really does. I hope I am wiser the next time I have to make that determination.

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