Someone told me the other day that although he was a very romantic man who loves romance in a relationship, he also knew how to get “down and dirty” and have sex with a lot of drive and passion. He thought both were necessary to a healthy relationship. I absolutely agree.

There must be both passion and romance in a relationship. There is a time to be seduced sweetly and tenderly—a time to make love. There is also a time to throw caution to the wind, and just go all-out for whatever feels good. In fact, I believe that romance and passion are inseparable. Each brings you full-circle to the other.

Romance begins in the heart; it awakens the emotions, and fans the flames of desire, and then leads to acting out that desire passionately until it burns itself into your soul. In turn, passion flows from the soul; it leads to declarations of desire, and the intimacy of satisfying those desires stirs emotions, which lead back to the romance. It’s the yin and yang of the heart and the soul. Two parts, but always one.

Ideally, your lover—your soulmate—would give you both. Each would feel complete, and have no reason to betray the other. Nothing would be lacking for either. Emotional and physical needs would be met, and the two would grow stronger together.

When your lover gives only one and neglects the other, it leads to trouble. It feels as if the circle is incomplete; as if there is something missing. One partner will often seek elsewhere the part that is absent, trying to feel whole. But when passion and romance are split, your heart is torn, and it’s impossible to give your whole heart to anyone.

But worst of all, when your lover gives you neither—everything falls apart.