Although Valentine’s Day has not been a favorite of mine for years, this is the first time in nearly 20 years that I’ve spent it alone. It’s been quiet, and a little boring. I have sent wishes to a few friends, but no one with whom I have any romantic entanglements. I’ve managed to avoid most of the mainstream stuff, and instead have spent the day watching TV, alternating between Forensic Files, and a marathon of Beauty and the Beast. I remember that show from high school; back when I thought love was everything, and that romance came with it.

Now, these many years later, I am unavoidably older, and unfortunately wiser. I know now that both love and romance require effort, and in today’s “instant gratification” world, not many people really want to work that hard. Funny how even those who say they are “romantics” seem to think that romance means sex. What a small definition!

While I agree that sex should involve romance, romance doesn’t necessarily involve sex. And it’s not that I have ANYTHING against sex. Far from it! I enjoy sex. I miss sex. I want sex. But I want more than just sex. I want all the accoutrement that should come with it. I want the flirting, the passion, the sweetness, the affection, the friendship… When I have sex with someone, I give all I have, but I would give so much more, if only I could find someone who wanted it. What I want to give goes far beyond the distinction between “making love” instead of “having sex.” It never really gets to be “making love” without all the things that happen OUTSIDE the bedroom. That’s the part that makes the difference; that makes it special, and makes it more than just sex. I rarely have the chance. For most of the men I know, sex seems to be enough.

Are there men who want more than that?